The ghost who walks with devil by his side.

My mother Coral who died of a broken heart Age 27

And me.  We only ever got a couple of minutes together, not counting the time I was ‘in utero’ in this lifetime.

When I was young I loved phantom comics.

 The ghost who walks with DEVIL by his side.   Funny that because that’s how it turned out for me.  When I reconnected with my family of origin most of them looked at me exactly as if “I” was invisible and my mother Coral had come back from the dead.  There are many aspects to my life as an adoptee that have had ‘professionals’ looking shocked and even tears as I have recounted them but really when I weigh it all up and look back on 58 years of being an adoptee there are 2 things that just make me look to the sky and shake my fist and say to the great creator ‘give me a break will ya” and they are these.  Number one…….. sharing the same birthday with my pedophile father (the reason for my relinquishment to strangers to rear as their OWN) but even worse than that is the fact that I look so much like my dead mumma that it freaks my siblings and father out…. To the extent that I am mistaken for her and she’s been dead since the early sixties and writing that has just made me realize my mumma missed out on the ‘hippies’ That’s not fair  :((((

I took a deep breath and posted the above to 4 facebook adoptee related groups and all professing to be 'supportive' of 'damaged' adoptees.  My trust levels have been severely tested in this cyber world right from the beginning.  When I first bumbled online on an antiquated and slow machine I found Alt.Adoption which had a reputation for being a scary place.  It was.  I watched Di Wellfare  http://www.dianwellfare.com/     go head to head go head to head with the pro adoption faction and began to join in.  

I had met Di the first time I ventured out of my 'safe' world into the adoption world by attending the 1994 australian adoption conference held at the MASONIC centre in Sydney and those 3 days I will never forget. I learnt what it means to be 'ME'    My adoptee shroud or 'fog' as it is more commonly referred  to was lifted.  Dian was the one.  It was her honesty and courage that freed me.    I warned Dian she was endangering herself by waging this war against the PRO ADOPTION faction so fiercely.   I began sharing parts of my story on Alt.A.....I was soon rendered invisible by being accused of being Dian's alter ego....a make believe persona made up by Dian ......rendered INVISIBLE. .....perfect tactic to silence the ADOPTEE.  She and I had a good laugh about their tactics.   I was grief stricken when the big 'C' took Dian away too soon.  She was a warrior woman.   So that was my introduction to exposing myself as an adoptee in this cyber space. YOUCH....I used to laugh about it in real life and say it was akin to having my head kicked in by a pack of doc martined bullies.......

So I am recovering from another bully boy/cyber attack on my birthday (a good day to attack because most adoptees I know express clearly how hard birthdays can be for us ) in the middle of the year.  With trepidation, my instinct is telling me this is a 'test'  I am sharing some more of myself and my story.

We remain invisible my mother Coral and I  until dear Jenny comments with compassion how kind and gentle my mother appears to be. In the biggest group, with mainly adoptees from the USof A  within  minutes of me  posting the picture of my mother and me together  including  these words


"Funny that because that’s how it turned out for me.  When I reconnected with my family of origin most of them looked at me exactly as if “I” was invisible and my mother Coral had come back from the dead."
 and this
" but even worse than that is the fact that I look so much like my dead mumma that it freaks my siblings and father out…. To the extent that I am mistaken for her and she’s been dead since the early sixties"


Within minutes of posting  another adoptee posts this...

"You Know You're An Adoptee When....You've got biological relatives that have mastered the arts of Illusion and Deception, they can convince you that you don't exist"



I am  feeling disillusioned  and decieved so I respond to this post with a comment ( from memory. ..I don't have a copy of my comment and I have been booted from this adoptee supporting other adoptees group ) but I posted something close to this ....
"You KnowYou'reAnAdopteeWhen You're got a biological relative that does his damn-est to ensure you actually don't exist whilst calling you by our mother's name."

and then to rub salt into the gaping wound other members of the group respond to this post by "LIKING" my comment that is so truly horrible, I only said it because I was triggered  and my absolutely from the heart posting of my deceased mumma is totally ignored.  

So I am booted from the adoptees supporting adoptees group....thanks I have had enough of this sort of business on facebook...  I really have better things to do with my precious time :)

We remain invisible my mother Coral and I  until dear Jenny comments with compassion how kind and gentle my mother appears to be.  Thankyou Jenny and Margaret and Von of the hundreds who had the opportunity you 3 are the only 3 to acknowledge my mothers existence....they haven't succeeded after all.